God has placed it on my heart to be vulnerable with the masses and share my lifelong testimony through this blog. This is a big ask for an introvert who never posts on social media…just sayin’ God.
The name of my blog, Psalm23, comes from one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. It is one of the many scriptures that has gotten me through a litany of physical, emotional, and spiritual battles. Christian artist Leanna Crawford has a beautiful song that encapsulates this scripture called “Still Waters”, which contributed to my inspiration for my blog name.
My journey thus far has been challenging and arduous. Lupus, child loss, grief, kidney transplant, secondary medical issues, perpetual patient, rejection, insecurity, motherhood, near-death ICU stays, medical trauma, vision loss, arthritis, friendship, church community, family support, healing, miracles, God, missing out, struggles at work, finding my identity without work, ministering to others…
My hope is that you or someone you know will find some solace through my writing. It helps to know that we do not walk the path of suffering alone. God is with us and he comforts us. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all of the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”(Psalm 23:6)
❤ Gabrielle
Book of Psalms – ESV
The Lord Is My Shepherd
A Psalm of David.
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. 3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Right now, sorrow has overtaken my thoughts, and my soul is feeling crushing disappointment. But first, a little backstory is needed…
On December 30, 2023, I received the miracle of life in a kidney transplant. The story is one worth telling, and I will at a later date. At the time, everyone told me that the transplant would completely change my quality of life for the better and I had so much to look forward to.
The post-transplant road was tough. I immediately experienced complications that required additional hospital stays. It took several months of painful healing to get into my post-transplant peak of health. I was ecstatic! After living with a kidney function of 19% pre-transplant, I was now at 60% function. I had so much more energy and I was no longer sluggish.
This lasted maybe a month. Then the bad news came with my labwork. Once a month post-transplant, the doctor tested me for BK virus. This is a virus that many people have in their bodies and have no idea. It doesn’t present symptoms and you can’t really do anything (known) to prevent it. Most people can fight off BK virus no problem. For transplant patients, BK virus is a death sentence to your new organ.
The doctors chose to do a kidney biopsy and sure enough, the BK virus had ravaged my new kidney. The treatment plan was no picnic. They dropped some of my immunosuppressants but increased my dose of steroids. I went almost a year with a higher dose of steroids to fight the virus, and I gained 40 lbs as a result! They also prescribed 2-4 hour long IV treatments of IVIG (immunoglobulin), which was a challenge to fit into my work and mom schedule.
What I thought was a new chance at a better life with my kids and a new opportunity at work, turned into a nightmare. I had committed to a new client at work that involved travel before all of this happened. Suddenly, I am back at the exhaustion of trying to fit in mom and work demands amidst a flurry of treatments, doctor appointments, and lab tests.
With my kidney function dropping like the temperature in Alaska during the winter, I could no longer keep up with life’s demands. My body was more susceptible to sepsis, and I passed out at the airport after one of my flights home from Philadelphia for a work trip. It turned out that the combination of sepsis and my flight caused a pulmonary embolism and DVT that could have killed me. Thank God for Mayo’s amazing pulmonary team and the kind lady at the airport who sat with me while I waited 20 minutes for the EMTs to show up. Honorable mention to my mother who fought off the airport EMTs and took me to Mayo.
Finally, my BK virus was at a nominal level and I could go off the higher dose of steroids in December 2024. The doctors had tested me for rejection of my kidney and the result was negative. My kidney function had dropped to the low 30s/high 20s and the doctor said the only thing I could do to stabilize my kidney function was to reduce my stress and lose weight. So, in March 2025, I realized that I could no longer keep working my stressful job with my health declining as it had. Thankfully, we were financially stable and I could quit!
Over the next 9 months, it felt like my kidney function was a roller coaster. Overall, it stayed pretty steady and I was happy with that (at least as happy as I could be under the circumstances). Then in December 2025, my kidney function tanked for no reason. Since then, I have been struggling with low kidney function and illnesses that have stolen what was left of my health. At my April 2026 nephrology appointment, my kidney doctor told me he was going to send me back to the transplant team to go through the process again. It had only been a little over two years since my last transplant. It was supposed to last so much longer than 2 years!!
Today, I had my monthly lab test. The news was not good. My kidney function has dropped to 19%, which is where it was at before my kidney transplant. I’m back to ground 0. I am back in the range where I can qualify for the transplant list in the state of Arizona. I am one step closer to potentially needing dialysis, which is a miserable process that involves a machine performing your kidney function for you and a diet that is utterly miserable.
How do I feel about this? Devastated. Depressed. Grief. Wondering why God has allowed this to happen. Worried. Feeling guilty for being worried. Wanting to eat a whole batch of cookie dough and a panful of brownies. Wondering if there is an island where I can escape my miserable feeling body. Wondering how I am going to take my kids on adventures this summer with the uncertainty of my medical future. Dreading the long process of testing for the kidney transplant list. Wondering when I will be able to plan something out of the city of Phoenix again.
So many thoughts have been running in my head. Then I get a call from my daughters’ school saying that somehow Rosalie’s hot lunch order didn’t go through and I need to bring her a lunch. I warm up some leftover pizza and get in the car. First thing I do is call my mom and lament. She is a great listener. The call ends, the radio turns on, and “Fight on my Knees” by Evan Craft comes on.
Help me to remember my help comes from heaven God, when I surrender I find all I need Strength in every weakness in the name of Jesus Oh, it’s not a secret I fight on my knees I fight on my knees (prayers go up) (I fight on my knees)
Sometimes God knows exactly what we need to hear to get ourselves out of our pity party. Yesterday in church, Pastor Jason talked about how our problems can feel so big because that is all we can tangibly see. God is outside of time and already knows my story from beginning to end. He sees the big picture and knows how my story ends. 1 Timothy 6:12 says “Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”
I can take comfort in the fact that God is sovereign, and I don’t need to try to control my situation. The only thing I can control is my attitude. In spite of my grief, I will choose to put my hope in God and not medicine, lab tests, or doctors. God has been faithful and stood alongside me through many difficult situations already. My last day on Earth won’t happen until God has fulfilled His purpose in me while I’m still living. After all, this is only my temporary home. I am a future citizen of Heaven!
And yes… when tough times happen, I often preach a sermon to myself :).
In August 2011, I felt like the world was my oyster. I had just finished an internship at a Big 4 public accounting firm. I was about to start my final semester of my Master of Accounting degree at the University of Arizona and had passed half of my 4 required CPA (Certified Public Accountant) exams. My wedding was 4 months away and I would start my full-time job in January 2012. What could go wrong?
Out of nowhere, I had a rough flu type of illness. For someone who had been mostly healthy growing up, I couldn’t figure out why I was getting so weak and fatigued so easily. I finally went to urgent care on the day of my cousin’s bachelorette party, and they gave me anti-dizziness pills. Let me tell you…they were NOT helpful.
Over Labor Day weekend, I went up to Show Low with my fiancée to visit some of his family members. His great-aunt commented that I looked anemic. I didn’t even know what that meant! My weakness was so significant, I could barely make it to my classes. I had to take the elevator instead of the stairs and I couldn’t shower standing up. I remember worrying that my business communications professor would call on me to make an impromptu speech because I didn’t think I could stand up that long! My appetite also waned so I lost a bunch of weight.
Finally, I made myself schedule a doctor’s appointment with my primary care doctor up in Phoenix on the weekend of my cousin’s wedding. I hated going to the doctor and did everything in my power to avoid doctors…and needles. Somehow, I drove up two hours to Mesa where my parents lived at the time and somehow, I drove 25 minutes to my primary care doctor. The doctor took one look at me and said, “You have either anemia or pneumonia and I’m sending you to the Emergency Room.”
In case you are wondering, yes, I was freaking out! Emergency room! My mom was 25 minutes away helping my aunt decorate for my cousin’s wedding. I had to go by MYSELF! I was welcomed to the ER by the sight of a construction worker with a bloody head wound. That made everything soooo much better (sarcasm). When I got to triage, the nurse determined to do blood work and take a chest X-ray. What happened next was a bit of a blur.
I ended up admitted to the hospital. It turns out that I was, in fact, anemic. My hemoglobin (red blood cell count) was at a 4. The normal range for a female starts at 11! How was I alive? How had I driven myself from Tucson to Phoenix? How had I driven myself to the doctor or to the ER? It was all God my friends. It was truly a miracle.
They stuck me with a lovely IV (you know how much I love needles). I had my first ever blood transfusion, which is really strange by the way. First of all, it is someone else’s blood being pumped into your body. Second, it is cold as it goes in. The hematologist (blood doctor) gave me the bad news that I would have to stay in the hospital overnight. My first EVER hospital overnight. It was definitely not a hotel bed. The worst thing was that I was very disappointed that I would have to miss my cousin’s rehearsal dinner that night.
The next day, I begged the hematologist to be released to go to my cousin’s wedding. I was a bridesmaid after all. Thankfully, he was a father of multiple girls and a bit of a softie in my opinion. He let me go to the wedding. Since I was still so very weak, I couldn’t walk down the aisle and had to sit on a stool instead of standing (which was very embarrassing). Ultimately, I was ALIVE and God allowed me to go to the wedding.
At this point, I was naive enough to believe that this was a onetime thing, and I was done with needles and doctors. Somehow, I had missed everything the doctor told my fiancée and my mom about what was next. Little did I know that this event had changed the trajectory of my life forever.
It might seem odd to start my blog with a post about my latest mission’s trip. However, the trip inspired me to start this blog…so there’s that. Here we go…
Have you ever been a part of something in which it was COMPLETELY evident that God’s hand was upon it? That is the best way I can describe the Shiloh Costa Rica missions’ trip of February 2026.
For me, it started with the ability to go on the trip. With my precarious health over the past six years, I wasn’t even sure a trip like this would be possible. God paved the way for me in multiple ways, but it wasn’t without Him giving me a few lovely tests. My kidney function was stable – around 33% – and thus my husband (surprisingly) gave his stamp of approval for me to go. Then…test number one…my kidney function tanked in December (26%) and I felt pretty yucky. Doubts started to creep in and I had some worry enter my mind – would I be able to even go? God was faithful and he sustained me through the challenges of a red eye flight and the social vigor of the conference and church service.
Another potential obstacle for me was the financial means to go…i.e. test #2. I had quit working less than a year ago in order to take care of my health and have more time with my kids. That meant, however, that we had less disposable income than we used to. God was SOOO good in this regard. I had endeavored to trust Him to provide and HE DID! The first surprise came when we visited Kyle’s relatives for Thanksgiving. I told Kyle’s great-uncle about the upcoming trip. He asked me some questions and then slipped me his contribution later that evening. I was so surprised! God paved a way for me to be fully funded with the help of the lovely people of Shiloh as well as one of my college accounting professors/mentors. How could I not feel God’s hand upon me?
Beyond my own experiences, the ladies on the trip each had the perfect testimonies to compliment the them of the women’s conference – beauty from ashes. I personally was nervous about being so vulnerable to near strangers as well as putting together my own teaching materials for the first time. The first night, God used Michelle and my testimonies to break the ice with the women of Rio Frio and allow for closer relationships that transcended the language barrier. Several women completely touched my heart by sharing what my testimony meant to them. The difference in the demeanor of the ladies between night one and two was palpable. By the last night of the conference, the women were willing to open their own hearts and be vulnerable with us. It was as beautiful as the people of this community. The relationships built during the conference enabled a lot of fun to be had with a bilingual BUNCO game and a lot of socializing after church on Saturday.
God blessed the team with a group of men who put the needs of the team above their own. They handled meals like champs and did not allow the ladies in the kitchen to help. They dedicated their free time to helping Ted and Gracie Quiocho with odd projects around the mission house and property. This dedication enabled the women on the team to focus on our messages and relationships with the women of the conference.
On top of everything else, there was a sense of spiritual rest during the trip. Satan was doing his best to deter us and hinder us but God (obviously) prevailed. When we arrived in San Jose, Costa Rica after a rough red eye adventure by plane, we were told by Ted and Gracie that the three roads to Rio Frio were closed due to above average rains for the non-rainy season. Call on the prayer warriors! With people in Phoenix and Costa Rica praying, we not only had rooms to stay in at a hotel but God opened the road with the shortest commute time (3 hours vs. 5) the next morning.
Once we made it through the journey in a twelve-passenger van (there were 12 of us…) and a small trailer hauling our luggage, we enjoyed the peace and tranquility of the Rio Frio mission’s property. Ted and Gracie have done a beautiful job of making it a place of worship and of rest. The team spent a good chunk of time with God and nature each morning, which prepared our hearts to pour into the Rio Frio ladies as well as our missionaries. I felt God’s presence as I prepared for my session and did not feel nervous while I was up in front of the group. I knew that I was just the vessel!
Another blessing on the trip was the gift of conversation. I have asked God many times over the years why He had me minor in Spanish when I was in college. I have complained (often) of my lack of opportunity to use my Spanish (ha!) Well, my grammar and conjugation were very rusty but God enabled me to speak conversationally with the women in their native tongue and even help the non-Spanish speaking women of the team to communicate. I did not teach in Spanish but I was able to read the scripture from their Spanish bible translation to the women during my message! The team was very blessed to have three fluent Spanish speakers in addition to my rusty Spanish, which enabled the missionaries to spend less time on translation! Also, small credit must be given to Google Translate…
An unexpected blessing that I received on the trip was a humbling appreciation for the hearts of the people Ted and Gracie serve in Rio Frio. We had the opportunity to visit the home of a family in the church with three children. It was amazing to see the skill and labor that was put into the building of their own home, while only spending money that they had already earned. The community lives in poverty but they have a pride of ownership and a mentality to live within their means. With as little as they have, the Rio Frio conference ladies gave the Shiloh ladies a thoughtful handmade gift – a notebook and pen – to thank us for coming. Our last night in Rio Frio, Ted and Gracie held their weekly church service. The worship was beautiful and the fellowship afterwards was truly blessed. Two of the church’s young men cooked the meal for the entire church, without complaint.
It is truly difficult for me to fully express my thought on the Costa Rica trip. God worked through me and for me as well as the other members of our team. He strengthened and built relationships that I will treasure, including with my fellow team members. I came home from Rio Frio with a few additional tests from God. The last day in Rio Frio, I tripped on the door threshold and hit my knee very hard. I made it through the last two days of the trip with a large hematoma and a lot of pain, which is continuing on past the end of the trip. I also received lab results showing my kidney function dropped down to 22% (for reference, if it drops below 20% I would have to attempt to get back on the transplant list and potentially get dialysis). God is ironic sometimes because I then needed to use the tenants of my own message to the Rio Frio ladies, honest lament to God, to get through my own struggles!
If I had to sum everything up, it would be that God is good and I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve the Rio Frio community.
psalm23 